


Dangerous Fantasy

by Leonidas1754



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Aftermath of Possession, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Consensual Kink, Discussion of Unsafe Sex, Explicit Consent, Fade to Black, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, No Sex, No beta reader we die like mne, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Post-Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers, Rape Fantasy, Roughness, Safeword Use, Sexual Roleplay, Spanking, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:33:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23147020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonidas1754/pseuds/Leonidas1754
Summary: The Warrior of Light breaks and disappears, leaving Feo Ul as his only link to those he left behind. The Crystal Exarch is awash in guilt, while most of the Scions angry with him. Thancred most of all, if what G'raha has been told is true. G'raha feels he deserves it, his mind falling into the pitch darkness of sickening desires.
Relationships: G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Thancred Waters, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Dangerous Fantasy

**Author's Note:**

> If you have not read through the tags, DO SO NOW. While there is not outright rape in the fic, I chose not to use warnings for a reason, as there is a role-played situation of rape, as well as past mentions of dangerous sex and potential/unknown rape. The sexual role play and fade to black sex are expressly consensual, though.
> 
> Seriously, take care of yourselves. If you still want to move forward with the fic, I hope you enjoy!

G’raha had many regrets. The Warrior of Light had disappeared very shortly after night had returned to Norvandt, with very little notice as well. He’d simply told Urianger that he was leaving, and that Feo Ul would keep in touch so that he would still be in the know. He would only return, however, if he was absolutely needed. And Feo Ul, damn him, was nothing if not loyal to his precious sapling, and therefore would not say a single word about his whereabouts or well-being, other than confirming that he was indeed alive.

Truly, it was G’raha’s own fault. When they’d explored the Crystal Tower together, G’raha had felt the tension and connection, the warmth that had settled between them. Nothing had come of it, because of G’raha’s responsibility, his destiny.

He’d been deluded, calling the Warrior of Light here. Selfish. G’raha hadn’t thought of his troubles, his weariness. He hadn’t thought to  _ ask _ , simply assuming from his own memories and the stories he’d read and heard that the Warrior would be happy to help, that it was all but guaranteed. And while he wasn’t wrong, per say, G’raha had been so narrow-sighted, he didn’t see the damage he’d done until it was too late.

The Warrior of Light had broken. Screaming and crying and verbally tearing into G’raha, every word a dagger of truthful agony. The first had needed someone with the Echo, but there were more than just their lauded Warrior of Light. Others who could have lessened the burden, taken down one of the Lightwardens so that it would be less likely to overwhelm. And G’raha hiding his identity…

G’raha had done it to protect the Warrior, so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of losing him again, but he was wrong. Even if the Warrior wasn’t so perceptive as to guess exactly who the Crystal Exarch was, he did not suffer any loss of life gracefully. Even had the Crystal Exarch been a perfect stranger, his death would have torn into the Warrior’s soul as so many had before.

The Warrior of Light had tired of his hero life, and G’raha had been his breaking point. To say that G’raha felt guilty would be an understatement.

The Scions weren’t exactly happy with him either. Alphinaud and Alisae viewed the Warrior as something of an elder brother, and had watched him shatter as a result of their most recent foray. Y’shtola was thoroughly furious with him for his plan, his deception, and his failings, and refused to do much more than acknowledge his existence and just barely work with him for the purpose of finding them a way to get home. Even Ryne didn’t seem particularly happy with him, even if she didn’t fully understand the magnitude of it all. It seemed only Urianger wasn’t angry with him, and that was likely because he had agreed to it in the first place. Even then, he was absorbed in his own guilt and studies.

Thancred, though… Thancred was another beast entirely. It was Urianger who had told G’raha of Thancred and the Warrior’s history- How Thancred had met the Warrior just after he’d arrived in Eorzea, how they seemed to always roam parallel to one another, always in one another’s orbit, but never quite intersecting. Almost love. Almost. Thancred had been there from the start, coming to his aid when possible, comforting him in the fear and sorrow, and while there had been many moments apart, due to Lahabrea and the Crystal Braves and traveling all over the world, those moments together were magnetic, despite nothing ever coming of it.

Knowing this, G’raha couldn’t fault Thancred’s fury. He wondered if perhaps the Warrior of Light’s disappearance had triggered a realization in Thancred, or if he’d always known. It wasn’t as if he could ask, now.

And then, one day, G’raha had been taking a walk about the Crystarium when a hand wrapped around his forearm. Before he’d realized it, G’raha was yanked into the shadows and painfully slammed against the wall. A hand covered his mouth, preventing him from calling out, and he struggled for a moment before realizing who was holding him down.

Thancred glared at him, body trembling and eyes burning with rage. G’raha stared up at him with wide eyes, knowing his shock and fear must have been obvious. “You are lucky you are so important here,” Thancred hissed, voice an entity of pure venom. “If not, I would make you  _ suffer _ .” He shoved G’raha harder against the wall.

G’raha’s yelp of pain was muffled in Thancred’s hand, tears springing to the corners of his eyes. He didn’t fight, though. Instead, his eyes shut, and his body slumped, an unthinking notion of surrender. He wasn’t even sure why he did it so quickly, but he felt no will to fight. He… he deserved this. Thancred’s body pushed against him, roughly pinning him against the hard stone. This pain, this anger, it was justified.

Thancred’s forehead rested against the top of G’raha’s head, and after a few moments, G’raha felt something wet hit the base of his ear. The tears only made G’raha’s guilt intensify.

Eventually, the hand fell from his mouth, but G’raha didn’t dare make a sound. Carefully, gradually, Thancred pulled away, only the faintest hint he’d been crying on his face. He didn’t seem able to meet G’raha’s eyes. “... I’m so-”

“No.” G’raha blurted it out without thinking, still leaning against the wall. “Your fury… I deserve it in full.”

An uneasy silence fell between them. G’raha couldn’t bring himself to look at Thancred directly, and Thancred seemed much the same. Eventually, G’raha quietly excused himself and pushed off the wall, trying to dust himself off and make sure no one could tell something had happened. As he walked away, he could feel Thancred’s eyes on his back, though, burning into him. It made the hair on G’raha’s neck stand on end.

It wasn’t the last time it happened. It seemed every time Thancred returned from assisting Ryne in Eden, at some point, G’raha found himself pinned down at least once. To be completely honest, G’raha did nothing to prevent it, or fight it. In fact, after the third time, he deliberately placed himself in situations where Thancred could get him alone. And every time, Thancred took the opportunity.

G’raha breathed shakily, glancing up at Thancred. Thancred’s hand was wrapped around his throat, not choking him, but giving just enough pressure to be a threat. The rest of his body was half smothering G’raha’s against the wall of G’raha’s own room within the tower, locked to any intruders. No chance of getting caught. No chance of rescue.

There was a strange warmth within G’raha’s core. G’raha couldn’t stand the way the residents of the Crystarium looked at him, nowadays, not knowing the harm he’d done. All they saw was the man who’d helped them and all of Norvant, who had brought the Warrior of Darkness to save them all. Thancred knew the truth, and was not afraid to express himself, in both word and action. And it hurt. Just in the way it should.

Suddenly, Thancred scoffed above him, fingers tightening ever so slightly. “Don’t tell me you’re actually getting off on this… Though it would explain why you won’t fight it.”

G’raha couldn’t figure out what Thancred meant, for a moment. Then he felt it. Against Thancred’s hip, he was ever so slightly aroused, just enough that the other would be able to feel it. G’raha immediately shoved at his chest. “O-off, get off me!”

One moment G’raha was pressed tightly against the crystal wall, hand around his throat, and the next, he nearly fell due to the sudden lack of support. He managed to stay on his feet anyway, slumped against the wall.

Thancred’s expression was carefully schooled. “I’m guessing you hadn’t realized that about yourself, yet. It’s not as if being choked is a frequent event.”

“I’m not… That’s not… Get out.”

Thancred immediately turned and left, and G’raha was alone. He slid to the floor, body trembling. A tight warmth coiled in his gut, and he felt sick. Somehow, he already knew what it was. It wasn’t the hand around his throat that had warmed him so, but something else. G’raha’s breath hitched in a note of panic, and he curled in on himself, trying to hold in a desperate cry.

He was sick.

After that day, he avoided Thancred like the plague, and instead of putting himself in situations to get caught alone, did everything in his power to prevent it. It was noticeable, he knew, Urianger and Lyna casting him concerned looks from time to time. 

G’raha wasn’t afraid of what Thancred might do if they were alone again. He was afraid of what he himself would do, given the chance. He never felt less in control of his own faculties prior to now. Because every glimpse of Thancred brought memories unbidden, and every night his mind ran wild in ways that made him retch.

“May I speak with you, Exarch? Alone?” Thancred asked one day, casting a meaningful glance at Lyna.

Lyna looked to him in silent question, and all G’raha could do was give her a nod. After all, what excuse could he give? They all knew he wasn’t particularly busy, not many excuses to be made, and he couldn’t exactly say he didn’t feel safe being alone with Thancred. So Lyna left, closing the door behind her. Thancred stepped back, making sure it was locked before facing G’raha once more.

G’raha’s knuckles were white where he gripped his staff. “Did you need something?”

Thancred took a step forward, then another, until he was standing just in front of G’raha. His expression was rather somber. “I wanted to apologize. The way I’ve been acting… No matter how angry I’ve been with you, it wasn’t right.”

G’raha couldn’t breathe. “No. You… You have every right to be furious, to lash out at me. I… I let it happen, after all.”

“You allowing it doesn’t make it alright.” Thancred’s gaze turned suspect. “But it’s not as simple as that, is it.”

There was that warmth, that sickness, coiling in G’raha, and he had to resist the urge to gag again. “I deserve it. I…”

“You want it. You want to be hurt.” Thancred sighed. “I understand it. Feeling the need to be harmed for your mistakes. To give form to your guilt. I felt much the same, after Lahabrea.”

G’raha nodded. “It’s… worse than that, though. Since that day…” The words caught in his throat, choking him.

“Whatever needs to be said, it will not leave this room. Whatever is tainting your mind, I will withhold my judgement.” Thancred closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. “The moment you say no, to stop, to leave, I will. The moment you struggle, I cease.”

G’raha simply nodded once more, unable to speak. Thancred watched him for a moment before placing a hand on G’raha’s chest. Step by step, he pushed G’raha back against the wall. Not roughly this time, and only a hand, but the light force was just as effective as his entire weight, where G’raha was concerned.

Thancred leaned over him. “You give in so easily. It’s how I know I can trust any sign of you fighting back. You want this. So what is it that haunts you?”

G’raha swallowed. It felt like broken glass in his throat. “So if I fought, if I offered any resistance, you would take it as my sign to stop. Is that right?” Thancred only nodded, waiting expectantly. “What… What if I wanted you to,” G’raha rasped softly. “To… to do whatever you wished, no matter how much I struggled…”

Thancred’s eyes widened. G’raha could see every emotion that flickered across his face- horror, disgust, anger, guilt, each a bolt of lightning in their intensity and speed. Finally, his expression settled into grim understanding. “No. There are some things that are much too far.”

It was somehow relieving to get it out, yet it redoubled his sickness all the same. “Right. You’re right. I’m so-”

Thancred brought his free hand up to cover G’raha’s mouth for a moment, and G’raha fell silent, even after it was removed. “... You wish to be hurt. To be punished. To the point that, on some level, you’re even desiring to be raped. And I fear I have been feeding into that.” There was no venom, no anger, but G’raha could feel the disgust in his voice, along with something even worse- pity.

Tears escaped the corners of his eyes. “Every night, my mind rampages with the scenario. If not you, then someone else. A friend, an enemy, a stranger. Even… even him.” Only once had he envisioned their dear Warrior in such a way, for the briefest of moments, but it made him ill all the same.

“I see.” Thancred sighed softly. “I suppose I have no choice but to indulge you, then.”

“What? But I thought you said…”

“No, I will not do  _ that _ . But as I said, the feeling is familiar. And the ways I coped…” Thancred looked at G’raha directly, even as the shame seemed to overtake him. “I did things and put myself in situations I shouldn’t have. I hurt myself. Let others hurt me. And I didn't even wish for the kind of hurt you desire. So I will indulge you. Before this desire grows so dangerous it leads you to harm.”

Somehow, G’raha felt himself relaxing. “So… Should I take this as a sort of arrangement, then?”

“If we make an arrangement, we should lay out clearer terms.” Thancred leaned in, taking a deep breath as he rested his forehead against the top of G’raha’s head. “First and foremost, any struggle or word of rejection, and whatever we are doing at that moment is over.”

G’raha nodded. “Okay. That makes sense.”

“I need to trust that if something isn’t alright, you  _ will _ do something. Can I trust you with that?”

There was a pause. With his mind running rampant as it was, lately, he wasn’t entirely sure. But all of those… fantasies, for lack of a better word, involved a struggle. Involved him being overpowered and hurt that way. If Thancred meant to stop at the first sign of resistance, even a reflexive motion would be enough, and these delusions couldn’t run so deep as to overpower sheer instinct, he thought. “Yes. I will.”

Thancred looked him over, as if assessing the truth of his answer. “Alright. No involving other people, and no extras. Ropes, knives, anything. It will only be done with my own two hands. I don’t trust things not to accidentally go too far.”

G’raha nodded. “I understand. Do people truly sometimes use knives in sex..?”

Thancred’s expression darkened. “As I said, I did things I shouldn’t have.”

Any curiosity G’raha had about the subject withered and died immediately.

Thancred shifted, carefully pressing his thigh between G’raha’s groin. G’raha let out a soft whimper, feeling that heat so willingly coiling within him. His hand traced G'raha's chest before running a thumb along his jaw. “I wonder what the people would say, seeing you submit yourself to such things.”

“I don’t know,” G’raha whispered. “There’s much they don’t know.”

Thancred grinded his thigh against G’raha’s groin, making him whimper. “I suppose it’s best it’s kept a secret. After all, you’re their beloved leader. Who knows what morale might be lost if they find you’d so willingly give yourself up in such a shameful way.

G’raha weakly rolled his hips up, unable to help himself. Something about Thancred’s words were simply driving him wild. His body trembled with heat and guilt and shame. He could feel his ears flattening back and his tail pressing to his leg, unable to rest between his legs due to Thancred’s thigh. Thancred reached up and slipped G’raha’s robe to the side, exposing one shoulder. G’raha only had a split second to realize what was happening before Thancred ducked in and bit down hard.

G’raha felt like the air was punched out of him, his entire body jolting. The pain seared down his spine, a bolt of pure heat. Thancred sucked hard, teeth digging in deeper. G’raha’s breath was nothing more than shallow gasps.

Finally, Thancred pulled away. He licked away a small bit of blood on his lips, making G’raha shiver. “No one will see that, under your robe. But you’ll know it’s there. You’ll feel it. See it, when you change or bathe. You can carry this reminder of exactly what you are.”

G’raha nodded, feeling dazed. Thancred smirked and hiked his thigh up a little higher. G’raha slumped, weakly trying to push his hips up as Thancred pressed him further against the wall. He was lifted up, off his feet, and he dropped his staff, his fingers weakly grasping at Thancred’s coat.

It wasn’t long before G’raha came. The heat in his gut uncoiled and cooled, leaving him panting and dazed. And Thancred pulled away, making G’raha nearly collapse.

“Hmph. A little bite and a thigh grind and you’re already a mess. You really are a whore.”

G’raha could feel the eyes on him and glanced up, glimpsing the concern on Thancred’s face. G’raha took a deep breath and stood up straight, feeling the stickiness in his underwear and wincing in disgust and discomfort. “If that was all you wanted,” he said, trying to regain something resembling steadiness, “then I believe you should go. I have much I need to accomplish today.”

“... As you wish,” Thancred said, nodding and turning. “Have a good day, Exarch.”

“And you as well.” G’raha nodded, taking a deep breath. He retrieved his staff and tugged his hood up, partially hiding his face once more as Lyna returned. It looked as though he wouldn’t get a chance to change just yet.

Lyna pursed her lips, looking suspicious. “Is everything alright, sir..?”

G’raha cleared his throat. “Yes, we just had a… disagreement over some things.”

“If you say so.” She thankfully let it drop, but instead immediately launched into a report about patrols and rebuilding.

G’raha felt strangely trapped, feeling the mess of cum in his underwear, yet unable to make an excuse to go clean himself up. The tirade of emotions within him were intense. Embarrassment, sickness, disgust, and a spark of excitement. A twisted thrill of not being found out.

G’raha was most certainly sick.

The fantasies still came unbidden in the night. Thancred didn’t appear in them anymore, maybe because of their talk, but there were others. Strangers, usually, larger and stronger and meaner, searing into him. Pulling his tail, his hair, his ears, digging into him…

He didn’t avoid Thancred anymore. And Thancred took to taking him into the shadows again, now being far more sordid. It was amazing how quickly he found ways to slip his hands into G’raha’s robes, tormenting him with nails and teeth and roughness. He always made sure to leave a dark, dark mark on his neck, one that stung for hours afterwards.

G’raha gasped as Thancred tugged him into the shadows, shivering in delight at the hands on his hips. They gripped so, so tightly, just short of bruising. G’raha found his chest being pushed against the wall, hands coming up to rest against the rough stone. He turned his head, glancing back at Thancred nervously.

Thancred smirked softly and leaned in, kissing his cheek. “A bit closer to people than usual, but I doubt that’ll be a problem.”

G’raha bit his lip, glancing out nervously. It was true, they were closer than he was entirely comfortable with. He’d definitely need to stay quiet. His tail swished between Thancred’s legs, tail tip brushing against his calves. Thancred reached down, fingers slipping into a fold in G’raha’s robe. His lips brushed against G’raha’s ear.

“I wonder how fast I can make you cum like this, so close to being caught. Or maybe I’ll just rile you up and leave you to try and make your way back to the tower without anyone finding out you’re desperately hard.”

G’raha said nothing, biting his lip as he felt Thancred groping him. He was nothing more than a toy for Thancred to play with however he pleased. And right now, that seemed to involve allowing Thancred to molest him in nearly-public spaces. Thancred’s hand wrapped around his cock, stroking him firmly and making him hard with very little effort. His chest pressed forward against G’raha’s back, making him whimper softly.

Thancred chuckled, breath hot in G’raha’s ear. “Shh… You don’t want to be heard, after all,” he murmured. “We’ll get all the attention in the Crystarium if you start moaning like a whore now.”

G’raha’s hips bucked involuntarily at the statement. It was positively  _ thrilling _ in the absolute worst way. He, a foremost scholar on the subject of Allag, keeper of the Crystal Tower, leader of the Crystarium, reduced to a  _ whore _ . Not that Thancred had actually fucked him. It occurred to him that Thancred had never even remotely undressed or done much himself during these strange little trysts.

“Am I truly a whore,” G’raha murmured, “if all you do is rough me up and make me cum?”

Thancred paused, looking surprised for a moment. Then he chuckled. “Talking back  _ now _ ? That won’t do. But I suppose you have a point. I’ll have to fix that. But first-” He leaned up and bit G’raha’s ear roughly.

G’raha had to bite his lip hard in order to prevent himself from crying out. Thancred’s teeth tugged at his ear, and it hurt so much. It made that heat pulse even more, his cock throbbing in Thancred’s hand. Thancred continued to stroke him and tug on his ear, making it harder and harder for G’raha to stay quiet. And when it seemed he was about to fail to hold it in, Thancred pulled away. G’raha nearly fell again, feeling weak in the knees.

“Tomorrow, come with me. We can take a little walk, explore outside a bit and relax.” Thancred crossed his arms, looking expectantly at him.

G’raha turned around, legs trembling as he tried to stand up straight. “I’m sure I can get away with it. After all, the sin eaters are mostly gone, so it’s less dangerous, and convincing them I could use a break likely wouldn't be hard.”

Thancred nodded. “Alright. Meet me by the gates at about noon, then.” He turned and walked away without another word.

G’raha let himself sit, trying to calm down. He wondered what exactly Thancred was planning. Standing, he slowly makes his way back, trying his best to pretend nothing was wrong. As if he wasn’t completely turned on and desperate. Not knowing what was to come, it was exciting.

As soon as he got back to his room and locked the door, his hand was beneath his robe, desperately stroking himself to completion after Thancred’s horrible teasing. He still wanted more. He always wanted more than Thancred’s teasing touches. Thancred seemed more than content to mock him. Perhaps getting G’raha away from the Crystarium was a sign, though, that he simply wasn’t comfortable doing more within the grounds.

G’raha only found himself growing more excited, imagination running away with itself on what Thancred might do with a bit more freedom. Biting, gripping, pulling, slamming him down and fucking him- G’raha whined, back arching as he stroked himself. He was so horribly desperate for it.

Stroking himself to get off was embarrassingly easy.

G’raha had been right about it not being difficult to convince them to let him go on a walk. While they’d been concerned, it had helped to know Thancred was going with him. Lyna still had her suspicions, of course, after that period of time of him avoiding Thancred, even if it was short. And, of course, his excusing their private meeting as a minor fight. But she didn’t stop him, and G’raha could only pray to every god he could think of that she wouldn’t attempt to spy on them. Granted, Thancred would probably notice, but the idea was still mortifying and, for once, not the least bit exciting to him.

They walked in quiet, G’raha using his staff as a walking stick and Thancred resting his hands in his pockets. They got some distance from the Crystarium, sticking to the well-worn paths, before Thancred spoke.

“How have you been feeling lately?”

G’raha glanced over. “... Alright. Those… fantasies, I guess would be the most appropriate word… they don’t involve you anymore.”

Thancred chuckled. “I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, but it is somewhat relieving.”

G’raha nodded. “It still makes me sick to my stomach. I feel horrible for desiring all this.”

“I get it.” Thancred sighed. “I wish I didn’t, but I do.”

G’raha paused in his steps, and Thancred stopped a few moments later, turning back to look at him. “Forgive me if this seems strange,” G’raha said carefully, “But… aren’t you angry with me?”

Thancred looked surprised. Then he slowly shook his head. “I am. I was. Let’s find a place to sit for a while, and I can explain.”

They began walking in silence again. Thancred led G’raha up the steep path toward the large ruin of some castle or other, G’raha couldn’t remember what it had been at the moment. He mostly recalled this being where they’d fought to retrieve Ryne when she’d been captured. Finally, Thancred came to sit on a flat piece of rubble, patting the area beside him. G’raha took the offered place, letting out a soft groan of relief. Thancred leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees.

“So… You blame yourself for why the Warrior of Light disappeared, right?” Thancred asked.

“Well… Yes. How could I not? You all seem to agree, anyway.” G’raha rested his staff across his lap, running his thumb over the cool metal.

“You give yourself too much credit.” Thancred chuckled, though there was something hollow and sad about it. “How do I put it… While what you did hurt him a lot, you were really just the straw breaking the chocobo's back. This has been building up for a while, and we all saw it coming. Honestly, if it hadn’t been for what you did, it likely would have been what all Emet-Selk did in the Tempest. Mostly, the others are mad at you because you were stupid.”

G’raha winced. “I… think I understand. You’re more angry with me for the plan I created than for specifically driving him away.”

“We’d be fools to believe it’s all on you. It’s been building since… likely since the first time he fought Ifrit, really, if not before. He’s held out far, far longer than anyone could have asked of him. And I think, largely, Eorzea has become too reliant on him. While there are many things that fall to him due to being one of the miniscule amount able, to be frank, all of it has been too much to ask of any one man.”

G’raha nodded. “I never meant to hurt him… And I didn’t realize that there were possibly more who could help.”

“Eh…” Thancred tilted his head from side to side. “I don’t know about that much. I think it was mostly said in the heat of the moment, and partially out of desperation not to have the entire weight on himself anymore. I’d be willing to bet his mind primarily went to Arenvald. He’s a promising fighter, perhaps even a true heir to our Warrior, so to speak, but I don’t know if he truly could have helped us here in the capacity that was suggested. He may simply not be strong enough yet. It’s possible, of course. But it’s a little too late, now. It’s likely the reason Urianger never brought it up, as well, because he likely didn’t even think of Arenvald.”

G’raha was surprised. The name rang a bell, somewhere in the back of his mind, someone who had been an ally in the fight for Ala Mhigo, he knew, but there wasn’t much else he could place. “I suppose so. Had Urianger suggested it, upon hearing my plan, I don’t know if I would have changed things or not. It’s hard to tell, anymore. Much of the time, looking back on what I did to get you all here, what I asked of you… It almost feels like looking at a different person.”

“You were being pragmatic, I think. When you look at it from that standpoint, you did everything right. You brought the Warrior of Light to the First to save it because he was the only one who could defeat the Lightwardens without becoming one himself, as far as you knew. You planned to absorb the light and plotted your own death because you knew that even for the Warrior, the sheer amount would likely overwhelm him, and your own survival past the changing of the future was not guaranteed in the slightest. You hid your identity because if we knew the true plan, we would spend more time trying to find a way around it than fighting the Lightwardens, and you tried to make it easier. After all, if your identity wasn’t known, it wouldn’t be connected with someone he once cared about.” Thancred sighed, lacing his fingers beneath his chin. “That’s why I hate pragmatism, I think. Because it’s usually right, a pure logical standpoint, but people… people aren’t pure logic. We’re downright emotional bastards.”

G’raha couldn’t help but laugh at the bluntness of it. “I don’t feel better, for all of that. Because even if I was right by logical standpoints… I wasn’t really. I could have done better, I should have. At the very least, my genuinely believing I could fool him was not only far too much confidence in my own acting, but an outright insult to the Warrior’s intelligence. All else notwithstanding, that is the one thing I would surely change, I think.”

Both chuckled softly, falling into quiet once more. None of it really made G’raha feel less guilty. But it made the guilt easier to carry, in a strange way. G’raha looked up from his staff, smile fading.

“Thancred… You don’t have to answer, but… You mentioned, after Lahabrea, that you… desired the kind of harm I do. Can you tell me about that?” He kept his voice soft, gentle, delicate. 

Thancred took a deep breath, entire body seeming to tense. “... Yea. I’ll tell you as much as I can. Where to start, though…”

G’raha reached up a tentative hand, placing it on his back. Thancred shifted, ever so slightly, a muted sign of his surprise. It was a few moments before he spoke.

“You know what they never tell you about possession? They talk about how horrible it is, how you’re not in control, all of that. But they don’t tell you how  _ intimate _ it is.”

“Intimate..? What do you mean?”

“How do I put it…” Thancred looked ahead, eyes glazed. “... You know the press of another body on yours? Skin on skin, that warmth and sensitivity? It was like that. His very  _ soul _ up against mine. Huge, smothering, powerful. Nothing I could do could get away from it. And it felt  _ good _ , G’raha. It felt good.”

G’raha began gently rubbing his back. “I see…”

“And afterwards? Having such a huge, powerful force within you, then it being gone… It’s like there’s a hollow, now. Like your favorite shirt, stretched out by someone else, and you can’t fill it anymore. When I first returned, it felt like my soul was just a drop in the ocean that was my body. Like, if I slipped for just a moment, I would fall into the abyss, without enough strength to regain control even if nothing was trying to  _ take _ it from me.” Thancred rubbed his face. “It’s gotten better, with time. I’ve relearned how to fit in my own skin, sort of. Really, being out of my body has been the first time since then where I haven’t felt  _ empty _ . Which is kind of hilarious to me, considering my body actually is empty this time.” The laugh came, morbid and somewhat hysterical.

“I couldn’t imagine it. Perhaps that is why it’s not talked about, though. Because people are ashamed to say it felt good in any capacity. That they desire that feeling again.”

Thancred sighed. “Definitely. After all, you’re only the second person I’ve told. And the first… Well, that was only because I was kind of obligated too, after he ended up pulling me off the ground from a puddle of my own vomit. The Warrior of Light saved me from Lahabrea, but Urianger saved me from myself.”

G’raha smiled faintly. “The two of you seem close.”

“We’ve known each other for a long time. And if there’s any man you can trust with a secret, it’s him. But you know that by now, don’t you?” Thancred asked with a chuckle. “I… I sought that feeling again. Because nothing felt as good as that experience of the contact of souls. And I felt I deserved the pain, deserved the hurt. I let myself get vulnerable, I overworked myself and let my guard down. And that lead to so many deaths, so many hurt, so much lost.”

G’raha continued to rub his back, letting Thancred pause. There was nothing he could say, not really. So he didn’t say anything at all.

“There’s another thing they don’t tell you- self harm can be sexual, too. Unsafe sex, risky sex, whatever you wanna call it. I had sex without protection, with strangers, while drunk off my ass, weakening myself to be taken advantage of… The memories are a blur, much of the time. I genuinely couldn’t tell you if… if someone really did take advantage of me or not. If I was raped.”

Thancred looked even sicker than G’raha felt listening to it. “Oh Thancred…”

“If Urianger hadn’t found me that morning, I may have actually died. The previous night I’d been drinking, again, and flirting with some stranger at Buscaron’s… Urianger found me in the bushes, vomit around me, one arm cut up and the rest of me bruised. He healed me and cleaned me up and kept my secret. He was furious… Have you ever seen him angry?” Thancred asked, looking up with a weak smile.

G’raha shook his head. “No, I can’t say I have.”

“I could probably count the times I’ve seen it on one hand. But when he is… He’s terrifying. He is very much one of those people you do not want to piss off, because he  _ will _ find you and kill you in your sleep.” The chuckle that escaped Thancred was broken and scared. “Usually I find it comforting, when it’s not directed at me, but when I saw him, I just felt  _ guilty _ . Because I’d just put them through hell, and here I was again, supposed to be resting and recovering and instead going out and nearly getting myself killed again. He accepted it, though. He always did.”

“So he stopped you?” G’raha asked, shifting a bit closer.

Thancred shook his head, to G’raha’s surprise. “No. He said… He said he wouldn’t be able to. That my desire for pain was too great to truly stop at the time. Instead, he came with me. He hated it, I knew. And honestly, that was a greater deterrent than anything else, even if it didn’t stop me. I’d get drunk and make out with strangers and he’d be there, watching, making sure I didn’t disappear, that I didn’t get hurt more than I had to. He’s probably right, too. Had he fully tried to stop me, I likely would have just gone around behind his back, which would have been even more dangerous. He was my safety net. It was because of that that I was eventually able to stop altogether.”

“I see… And that’s why you offered for me. Because you don’t want to see the same become of me.”

Thancred nodded. “That day I first attacked you, I’m sorry. I was having a horrible day and seeing you just… It pissed me off, badly. But it was also when I noticed something was wrong. That’s part of why I kept doing it. Part of it genuinely was just me being angry and upset and wanting to take it out on an easy target. It was shitty of me. But part of it was… recognition, I guess.” Thancred sighed, sitting up to fully look at G’raha. “I was angry with you. But that was when I thought you believed hadn’t done anything truly wrong. I won’t deny, part of me is still angry with you. But mostly… Mostly I just understand. And if I can be that outlet instead of you trying to find some other recourse like I did, I’m glad.”

G’raha let his hand fall. He was simply in awe, in a way, of the honesty with which Thancred spoke. He could feel the tears sting his eyes, and he turned away. “You have much more strength than I, I think.”

“I’ve had time to get strong.” Thancred shifted closer, placing a hand on G’raha’s shoulder. “When I heard you talk about it at first, it scared the hells out of me. Because as bad as I’d gotten, I was still just looking for something to fill the emptiness, really. I never outright desired the same sort of things you seem to. All the more reason for me to be here, to be that safety net.”

G’raha nodded, leaning into the touch some. “Thank you.”

Thancred stood, removing his hand from G’raha’s shoulder only to offer it to him. “C’mon. There’s still something I’d like to do while I have you out here.”

G’raha felt his cheeks heat as he took the offered hand, and he stood. Thancred guided him deeper into the ruin. “So, what did you have in mind..?”

“I was discussing some things with Urianger. I didn’t intend to, but he caught on that something was bothering me. I didn’t name names, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he guessed.” Thancred cast him an apologetic glance.

G’raha grimaced. “So long as he doesn’t tell anyone, it’ll be fine.”

Thancred nodded. “It’s highly doubtful. In any case… When I mentioned that… That desire to be raped, he said it wasn’t an entirely foreign concept. Apparently it can be something that comes up, especially in regards to trauma and oppression. While yours isn’t a case of that, there still might be a way to ease and sate it.”

G’raha’s ears perked in interest. Anything that could purge this awful desire from him was worth a shot, right?

Thancred swallowed. “Basically, the idea is to play at it. To… pretend the event is happening, but have that safety in place, so that if things go too far, it can stop.”

G’raha tilted his head. “I’m… afraid I don’t follow. And I thought you had refused to… well, that.”

“How do I explain it… Basically, we’d just be playing pretend. My being the culprit, you being the victim. Perhaps me pretending to be someone else, rather than myself. And if you start to feel it is going too far, we use a word or signal to stop, since… since it being a play on rape, a bit of struggle and denial may be accepted.” Thancred looked a bit pale as he spoke.

G’raha frowned. “I understand, but… Thancred, please, don’t do this if you can’t handle it. You just spoke of your own experiences… I don’t want you to put yourself in the place of the instigator if it will rebuild that trauma.”

Thancred chuckled. “I’ll admit, I am uneasy about it. But… I promise, I will stop if it becomes too much for me as long as you promise the same, alright?” G’raha nodded, stepping closer to Thancred’s side. Thancred squeezed his hand. “So the first thing would be to set the scene, so to speak. We’re actors in a morbid play, and we must know our roles.”

“Right… I suppose I have fodder for that, what with the way my mind has roamed in the darkness as of late.” G’raha sighed, staring at the ground for a moment. So many awful scenarios, many he didn’t really want to put Thancred through. His mind settled on one, though. “Is it alright if it has a semi-basis in reality..?”

“I’m willing to hear out the idea, at the very least.” Thancred watched him.

G’raha took a deep breath. “When… When I was captured by Emet. He didn’t do much to me, other than attempt to convince me to share my knowledge once or twice. But if he wanted to, he could have done whatever he’d wished to me.”

Thancred nodded. “So you, injured and captured and awaiting rescue. And myself playing at Emet, trying to convince you to share your knowledge with me. Possibly taunting you with confidence that my plans will be victorious. I think I could do that.”

“If you’re sure…” G’raha sighed. “I’m not sure about this…”

“We don’t have to. It’s just a suggestion, after all. If you want, we can return to the Crystarium and forget we talked about it. Or mess around in here, no role playing involved.” Thancred moved to lean against the wall of the ruin, smiling weakly. 

G’raha watched him, holding his staff close to his chest. He was concerned, not about his own well-being, but Thancred’s. After what Thancred had just told him about his own time in a dervish of alcohol and sex and self-destruction, putting him in the role of such a villian seemed cruel. But his mind whirled and his stomach curled with the taint of twisted desire, aching to put himself at the mercy of someone to tear him to shreds. He wanted it, and he wanted it badly.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward. “Alright. What word or signal should we use, as a sign to stop?” 

Thancred crossed his arms, lost in thought. “It would need to be something easily remembered, but not something that would come up in any conversation that might be involved with the roles we play.”

“Right…” Many of the words that came to mind wouldn’t work under this sort of circumstance. Allag, Ascian, Crystal, they were all relevant to things Emet might’ve taunted him about. Then it occurred to him. “Mahjong!”

Thancred looked confused. “Huh?”

G’raha smiled sheepishly. “Before I explored the Crystal Tower, I explored Eorzea a touch. When I went to the Gold Saucer, I saw they’d brought over a game from Doma called Mahjong. I didn’t get the chance to try it myself. It’s not something that would ever come up in normal conversation for me unless we ended up speaking about the Gold Saucer for whatever reason.”

Thancred chuckled. “Yes, I think that would work. I’ll be sure to remember it.”

G’raha nodded, smile fading. “... I hate how much I want this.”

Thancred stepped forward. He leaned in and kissed G’raha’s forehead. “I understand. Remember, if  _ either _ of us feel it is too far, one of us says Mahjong, and we stop.”

G’raha nodded and glanced around. He found a small section near the wall, with a small arch overhead, putting it in shadow. There. He moved over and sat down, legs under him, staff laying on the ground at his side. He was back, back in the Tempest, trapped with Emet-Selk. At his mercy, or lack thereof. He got a little chill.

Footsteps approached from behind. “So, Crystal Exarch, have you thought anymore about sharing what you know?” ‘Emet-Selk’ asked.

G’raha had to stifle a startled snicker. While it was still clearly Thancred’s voice, he’d mimicked Emet’s verbal pattern and tone shockingly well. Close enough to play the game, but still with an undercurrent that it  _ was _ a game. He folded his hands in his lap. “I will never tell you what you want, Ascian,” he hissed softly. “I will be of no use to you and your twisted schemes.”

“Oh, but you already are… After all, that fool you so endearingly call the Warrior of Light or Darkness or whatever it is now will come for you. There is no doubt about that. I wonder just how long he can hold off the light you so begged him to gather…” There was a hand over his head, just between his ears.

G’raha grit his teeth, closing his eyes. It was true. He would come, always. “He will defeat you. His strength far outmatches even yours.”

“Hmph. We’ll see about that. Perhaps he will defeat me and save his precious liar of a friend. Or perhaps he’ll succumb to the light and slaughter those dear to him. After all, they’re all stubborn enough to come with him despite his being a living bomb, just waiting to go off.” ‘Emet’ kneeled behind him. “It would be far easier for you if you only spoke with me, you know. I could even help. The First doesn’t need to fall quite yet, and there are ways to prevent the light from taking over…”

G’raha felt the bile rise in the back of his throat. “Never. You speak only lies. And even if you did not, I could never trust you to hold your word.”

There was a sigh just near his ear, making it twitch from the hot breath. “So stubborn. Why must you mortals be like this… No matter. There are other ways to get what I want.” Fingers hooked into the back of G’raha’s robe, gently starting to tug it back. G’raha gasped, reaching up reflexively to hold it in place. He looked back to glare at ‘Emet’, and was half surprised to see Thancred there instead. Right. This was play. Play he was really into, but play nonetheless.

Thancred smirked. He slipped closer, reaching his other hand up to slip his fingers under G’raha’s robe. “One way or another, my dear Exarch, I get what I want. We both know you can’t stop me.”

A sick chill went down G’raha’s spine, and he turned to face forward again, hanging his head. At the time, he’d been quite injured and weak. Vulnerable. He felt his robe being slipped down, baring his shoulders. He shivered slightly from the cool air hitting his normally well-covered skin. Suddenly, warm fingers traced the juncture of his shoulder and neck.

“Oh, what’s this~? Fooling around with someone, hm?” came the teasing voice.

G’raha was confused for a moment before he realized, it must have been the remains of the last mark Thancred had given him. He racked his brain for a moment for a response. “It’s not any of your business, really,” he settled on. “My body, my identity, my love is mine and mine alone to give.”

“Hmph. I wonder what your lover will say when they find their loving mark covered by another’s.” Teeth brushed against his neck, and G’raha couldn’t help but tilt his head aside, shivering at the sensitivity.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you…” G’raha murmured. “You’ll pay for it…”

“We’ll see about that.” And there were the teeth, sending a bolt of heat down G’raha’s spine. No one would hear him cry out, not here, so he did, moaning thickly. Those teeth dug right in, until G’raha could feel them piercing his skin.

Emet chuckled as he pulled back. “One bite and you’re already moaning like some whore. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were enjoying this.”

G’raha shivered. “Shut up. You are- Ah!” He gasped as he was bitten again, a bit further along his shoulder. His robe was pulled down further, falling away from his chest, not that he tried to stop it now. “You… You are a monster…”

Emet didn’t respond at first, sinking his teeth further in and reaching around G’raha to caress his chest. “If you will not share your mind, then I will take your body.” His voice was dangerously low, lips brushing against G’raha’s neck. “Resist, or don’t. The ending will be the same.”

G’raha’s breath grew shaky, tail lashing. He felt fear, shame, lust, swarming through his veins. All the while, those hands danced across his skin, brushing his nipples, tracing the lines of muscle, dipping lower- And G’raha couldn’t resist.

Emet reached down, undoing the tie of G’raha’s robe. Then he pulled back, yanking the robe from G’raha’s body. G’raha hissed at the roughness of it, and the cool air around him. “Shh…” Emet murmured, running a hand down G’raha’s spine. His fingers hooked around G’raha’s tail, half tugging it, half feeling it, as they ran over the length. “Much softer than I expected, I’ll admit. All the more tantalizing for it.”

The hand traced up his spine again, coming to rest between his shoulders before shoving him down. G’raha yelped, barely able to stop from crashing into the hard stone with his hands. Still, a weight was pushed further onto his shoulders, making his cheek brush the ground as he glanced back. Still Thancred. Still play.

The other hand slipped around his front as Thancred moved in, undoing the front of his pants. G’raha squirmed, but stayed, lip quivering. He folded his arms in front of him and rested his head against them, leaving him to see nothing but shadowed stone below him. Fingers pressed into his waistband and tugged down, exposing his ass. He was shivering, he knew, though he wasn’t sure whether it was from the cold, the terror, or the thrill.

A dark chuckle sounded overhead. No, back, and slightly to the side. Emet had moved, but G’raha didn’t dare look. “Tell me, have you ever been touched here before?" he asked, slipping his fingers right between G’raha’s ass to tease at his hole.

G’raha stayed silent, refusing to answer. After a few moments, the fingers were moved, both hands instead groping his ass. And then, a sharp pain came as the tender flesh was smacked, hard. “I asked you a question, Exarch,” Emet said, voice colder. “Perhaps you’d like to answer.”

G’raha bit his lip, still refusing to speak. Another smack came, and another. Every time, just after the hit, the hand would rest and massage and squeeze, leaving G’raha no respite. The impacts sent ripples of heat through G’raha, bringing tears to his eyes and making him harder. After the first few hits, he was unable to stay quiet, little choked moans leaving him. And Emet just continued to hit him, G’raha’s sounds becoming more desperate until he finally gasped out “No!”

Emet’s hand stilled. “No?”

“N-No,” G’raha repeated, voice no more than a pathetic whine. “No one has. Not even him.”

“Now was that so difficult?” 

Without warning, another smack came, and G’raha saw stars. He didn’t even realize he’d cum until his wits returned, and he felt the slickness in his pants, a far more familiar feeling than perhaps it should have been. 

Emet chuckled. “Or perhaps you like the attention. I don’t think I’ve seen someone cum just from being spanked before.”

G’raha panted as he felt Emet rubbing his ass again. This was madness. Emet lifted his hips and G’raha had no choice but to oblige, feeling his pants get pushed further down to free his untouched cock. He could feel the shame flooding through him.

Emet worked G’raha’s pants entirely off, tossing them aside before chuckling. “I was planning on simply killing you after this, but perhaps I won’t. Keeping you as a pet is looking like a better and better option.” Another slap came, a solid strike against tender muscle wrenching a soft sob from G’raha.

His hips were nudged back down, and G’raha could feel the weight moving over him once more. Lips brushed against his ear, making him shiver. “Are you still alright, G’raha?” Thancred asked, his voice striking like lightning through G’raha’s mind, anchoring him. 

It took G’raha a moment to answer. “You may have to carry me back, when we are done,” he joked softly, “But yes.”

A gentle kiss was pressed to the base of his ear. “What’s the word to say if you need to stop?”

“Mahjong,” G’raha murmured. It warmed something deep within his chest, but he didn’t have the wits to consider it at the moment.

“Alright.” Thancred sat back up, running a hand down his back.

G’raha waited in anticipation. Thancred’s fingers continued to run up and down his back, and after a little while, G’raha glanced back. “Thancred?”

Thancred winced. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to think of what to do next, but nothing is coming. I think it might be a bit much for me.”

G’raha smiled softly. “Then what should you say?”

Thancred seemed confused for a moment before chuckling. “Majong.”

Carefully sitting up, G’raha turned around, reaching down to tug his pants up. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am, I promise. I’m sorry I couldn’t think of anything else to do.” Thancred sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “I have a hard time being cruel, I suppose.”

“What you  _ did _ do, that was pretty amazing,” G’raha assured. “I didn’t realize I could… You know.” HIs face was scarlet as he spoke, glancing away.

“Most can’t cum just from being spanked, no.” Thancred’s expression shifted into a playful smirk. “Do you play with yourself much, G’raha~?”

G’raha feverently shook his head. “I’ve… tried,” he said, wringing his hands. “It feels strange, doing it myself. With fingers.”

Thancred considered him. “... Let’s get back, then, and maybe we can see what it feels like when someone else does it, huh?”

G’raha felt a shiver crawl down his spine. “No more play, just regular sex?”

“Yea. I’ll try and think of more stuff to do later, but for today, I’d prefer not to.” Thancred grabbed G’raha’s robe, wrapping it around his shoulders again. “Still need to be carried?”

G’raha attempted to get to his feet, then stumbled and fell to his knees again with a grunt. “Ow. Yes. I am very sore.”

Thancred laughed, retrieving his staff and handing it to G’raha before picking him up, bridal style. G’raha blinked, blushing softly. Thancred carried him, down the cliff and back toward the Crystarium.

Something occurred to G’raha. “Maybe you shouldn’t carry me when we get close, um… Rumors fly fast in the Crystarium, who knows what everyone would say…”

Thancred raised a brow. “Is it any worse than what they’d say, seeing you barely able to stand?”

“... We could tell them I fell? You could stop carrying me and let me lean on you instead.”

Thancred seemed about to answer, but was interrupted by two Crystarium guards running toward them. “Too late,” he murmured, and G’raha’s ears tilted back. Well, this was mortifying.

“Crystal Exarch! Is everything alright?” one asked, clearly concerned.

“He’s fine,” Thancred said, “just fell and bruised his tailbone. I’m going to take him back to get some rest.”

Both guards relaxed. “Ah, alright. Thank goodness,” the other said.

Thancred chuckled and kept walking, eventually out of earshot of the guards returning to their posts. G’raha tugged his hood up over his head, hoping to at least somewhat hide his face. “A bruised tailbone, huh?”

“Best I could think of on the fly that wouldn’t come off as a complete bluff. You did hurt your ass, after all,” Thancred teased quietly. 

“No,  _ you _ hurt it. I just… let you.” G’raha could feel his face heat further as Thancred chuckled.

As they returned, they got more anxious questions, but Thancred waved them all off with his explanation of G’raha’s fall, teasing G’raha for being clumsy while G’raha tried not to die of embarrassment.

He’d never been more grateful to be within the Crystal Tower’s walls, wincing slightly as Thancred set him on the bed. Thancred stepped back with a short chuckle. “There. Your dignity saved from rumors and safely returned to your tower, princess.”

G’raha laughed softly. “I am not a princess.”

“To be fair, you  _ are _ the heir to the legacy of Allag. So technically you are the prince, I would say. And you’re the leader of a people, so you could definitely get away with calling yourself one,” Thancred teased.

G’raha snorted, tugging his hood back off his head. “What would that make you, my knight in shining armor?” he joked.

“Nah, someone else fills that role better. I’m more the shithead thief who sneaks in and you befriended somehow,” Thancred chuckled, dropping onto the bed beside him.

G’raha shook his head. “You’re ridiculous, sometimes.”

“Only sometimes? I guess I’ll take that.” Thancred smirked and nibbled on his jaw, making G’raha gasp before purring softly. “Ooh, now there’s a nice sound.”

G’raha’s cheeks were burning, but he still smiled. “You’ll have to earn it, if you want more…”

Thancred pulled G’raha onto his lap, grinning wider. “I’ll take that challenge,” he murmured, squeezing his hip.

G’raha felt the warmth shoot down his spine as Thancred’s hands moved over him, and for the first time in ages, he could forget the guilt, his mistakes, the Warrior, everything. There was nothing but the bed, Thancred, and G’raha, and that was all they needed.


End file.
